Monday, May 17, 2010

You know that secret place you have in your heart?

Your miniature heaven when things fall apart?

I have mine too; its beautiful.

Its a small winding road with lovely green and tall trees, and I'm in a car driving on that winding road.
The trees are grown thick together, I see them tall and natural and wild, nothing landscaped or cultivated.
The trees tower around me, big and strong; as though guarding me protectively from any harm.
Small rays of sunlight peek in between the leaves and add warmth to the otherwise dark woods.

The window to my car is winded down, and I do more than just visualize this figment of my imagination; I can smell the trees and the earth beneath the rolling tyres.
Fresh and welcoming.
Crisp and cool.
For some reason the temperature in my little escape is always much cooler than reality.
The soft wind started touching my skin tentatively at first, then as the car takes up speed, began boldly caressing my cheeks.

As the car accelerates, the green, orange leaves and branches of the woods paints an extraordinary and breathtaking canvas of splashing green, blotches of orange, balanced by an earthy tone.
An art like no other.

I will be in the car surrounded by that moving canvas painted on all my windows. My windshield will have the same canvas on the sides, and a small earthy road in the middle, leading my way forward.

I do not want the journey to end, I like to lose myself in these amazing woods.
It was as though mother earth had build a cradle, a magnificent nest for me to crawl into; for me to come home to.

Friday, May 14, 2010

Let's talk equations.

Exams = shitload amount of stress = enlarged appetite + slightly delusional + distorted mind

I shall elaborate.

Enlarged appetite means I also order crazy amount of pizzas.
Modern technology has made food so accessible.
Its pure evil.

Dominoes pizza is only several clicks away . I don't even need to pick up the damn phone to make an order. And we all have been through the hassle of phone ordering, being put on a hold- the Malaysian customer service is famous for that. =.=

So back to the whole evil pizzas topic.
There is something very wrong with Dominoes.
I mean look at it.
Easy and efficient ordering, prompt 30 minutes or less delivery time, hot sizzling pizza at your doorstep with an ever polite delivery man.
I smell something fishy! *narrows eyes*
and no darling its not from my favorite Tuna Temptation pizza.
So I have a theory about Dominoes.
I secretly think they are a secret organization set up to conquer the world. O_O
They are a well-oiled organization and they paved an ultimate way into our hearts - through our stomach!
Its a conspiracy I tell you!

But anyway, I can't be a powerpuff girl and save the world because I have to save myself from exams. :(
So I delude myself from the evil plans lurking beneath Dominoes' innocent cover and welcome the delivery man with a blood-thirsty smile.
Blood thirsty for the pizza of course, not the delivery man. Unless he has Matthew Mcconaughey's butt.
Then I'd pay the man, take my (holy) pizza and put it on the dining table.
Clutching a slice, I'd automatically walk towards the balcony.
Which was what I did today, and then I saw an eagle. You see, I live on the 24th floor of my condominium, and therefore eagles spotting is very normal due to the height.
Then I have a very ugly picture painted in my head.
The eagle, with its sharp eagle eyes, diving down to my balcony and STEALING MY SLICE OF PIZZA.
The picture is too horrific to imagine.
I stepped away from the balcony. I do not wish to fight an eagle for my pizza.
Stop giving me the look. My pizza is very important ok! A girl needs her nutrition!

Okay now I guess you have the better understanding of the equation, which I will retype to save you from scrolling up because I am so kind.

Exams = shitload amount of stress = enlarged appetite + slightly delusional + distorted mind

Reading back

on my last night's blog post...

Okay, once again, as you'd probably have guessed, its THAT time of the month!
When hormonal level is the blame for everything I do (and failed to do).

I miss my family.

I need to try to update my blog on a more regular basis, not just when i'm struck by bouts of depression due to PMS.
Or else I should seriously consider renaming the blog from 'this is my escape' to 'my pms rantings'.

K time for class :) MUAKS.
Today is going to be better than yesterday. I will not allow myself to be drowned in my pool of sorrow and self-pity (and well, bad hormones).
In fact. I will eat more chocolates to stimulate the happy hormone endorphine in myself! :D
Nothing cheers me up like good food.


Thursday, May 13, 2010


I feel like a piece of wood, floating in the middle of a vast ocean, and the shores are nowhere to be seen.

Waves and waves of salt water hurling themselves wickedly at my frail and powerless figure; mocking at my mere existence, my terminal helplessness.
I could not fight back and stop the waves; I could only do my best to float back up every time I'm being knocked out.
I had to swallow my pride by standing back up and holding my head up high.
I had to endure the humiliation at being beaten out by a force that I simply cannot defy.
I had to; because I had to survive.

Then came the voice in my head.
Soft and alluring.
Do you have to survive?
And I began to lead myself to entertain the thoughts of giving up.
Because people get tired.
Because there's only so much one can take.
Because giving up, is too much of an easy way out.

So I allowed it to happen.
The water seeping into me; choking me; swallowing me.
The voice in my head comforting me.
The suffocation will only last for a short time. It is nothing compared to what you've been through.
Overwhelmed by the dark, wide ocean; I felt so small.
I sunk deeper.
I was reduced into insignificance.
I didn't even struggle.
I simply allowed myself to be taken.
The rays of sunlight on the surface of the water called out to me, beckoning and begging me to come back up, as always.
But my ears are drowned out by the almost lyrical words of the voice in my head.
It will be over soon, my child.
I closed my eyes and indulged in the thundering roar of the ocean.

I ceased to exist; and let myself fall into the deep abyss.