20 facts about me:

1.     I have a loud sneeze. And by loud I mean manly.

2.     Subconsciously I narrate my everyday life inside my brain. In third person. With a British accent.

3.     I eat a lot. I mentally prepare myself to suffer from a cardiac arrest any second, and with the amount of Mcdonalds I eat, it really will come as no surprise.

4.     My all time favorite chick flick is How to Lose A Guy in Ten Days.

5.     James McAvoy is my new Patrick Dempsey. I love him in almost every movie I see him in, except for Wanted, where he depicted himself as American. Not that I have anything against Americans but I am a hopeless sucker for his refined English/Scottish accent in movies like Becoming Jane, Atonement etc. 

Perfection.

Let me touch you before I die please.

I need to do something about my non-existent sex life.

6.     When I am nervous I talk a lot. When I am drunk I talk even more.

7.     I am a dreamer. I have a wedding playlist, and my wedding gown picked out, even though I do not even have a boyfriend. Which is fine until it comes to picturing my (future) baby’s face. That's when it gets a little bit tricky. YES I AM CREEPY THAT WAY.

8.     I neglect my phone. I get shit from my friends for this.

9.     I can be a pushover. I also get shit from my friends for this. :’)

10. As of this second my playlist is playing Feels like Home, the Chantal Krevizuk version. I will take all the time in the world to find that special someone worth dedicating this song to. Don't rush me!

11. I used to have a picture of Brian Littrel (yes yes Backstreet Boys) in my wallet. Next to a passport photo of myself. But in all fairness I was in Primary Four.

12. I am very emotional. I am terrible with goodbyes. So much so that sometimes I just skip them.

13.I love scrapbooking. Artsy fartsy stuff. Doodling, sketching and the occasional painting.

14.I am incredible when it comes to discovering non-obvious gay men. It’s uncanny. Almost as though I have a gay alarm in my system that goes BEEP BEEP BEEP whenever a gay man is within a 2 metre radius.

15. I cannot imagine a day of my life without music. But I can do so without my phone.

16. At the moment my favourite authors are Paulo Coelho and Nick Hornby.

17. I love colours.

18. It is easy to tell when my heart/mind is in a mess; because my room will be in one too. Then in an oddly therapeutic process, I will clean up every bit of my room and arrange everything in a certain order.

19. Writing is a passion, not necessarily for an audience. I love writing for my own leisure and relaxation. Which explains this blog that only very few of my friends know about. People I keep very close to my heart, people whom I know will never judge.

20. I’d very much like to learn tap dancing one day.

Quick stolen moments

 in between stressful exams cramming.

Dear blog,
I have a lot to tell you but I simply do not have the time. I hereby promise you much more elaborated writings and non-stop rantings after I get the exams out of my system, but this will have to do for now, ok? :*

I have such beautiful and amazing friends. :)

And I have a pair of red velvet ribbon hairclips to walk me through my exams. :D

I indulge myself in small doses of Christmas spirit like this through this agonizing period hehe.
Small though it is, it brings me hope and joy. :)

Its December and Christmas is in the er... (h)air!

OK TIME TO GO BACK TO THEM BOOKS MARY!

Tale as old as time; song as old as rhyme.

A few weeks ago, Disney had re-released Beauty and the Beast on DVD!

If you are a hopeless sucker of the movie and Ellen Degeneres (like me), then you'd want to click here and view this. :)

I LOVE BEAUTY AND THE BEAST.

Its my guilty pleasure movie.
Growing up, I had a special fondness for Belle because I felt I was a lot like her, wait a minute quittheeyerollingthankyou HEAR ME OUT, not the beauty part.
Just how we are both the odd one out, loves reading and believes in fairytales.
Sprited, we are both full of dreams.

:)
♥


Also.
I have a secret crush on Ellen Degeneres.
I am straight as a stick but I CANNOT DENY I AM ATTRACTED TO HER.
She's so smart and so very charming. I'm incredibly drawn to the intelligent twinkle in her eyes and to her easy  humour.
Okay the word crush may be pushing it a bit far because I simply cannot picture the IDEA of a girl kissing me.


*tries*
*and shudders uncontrollably*

NOPE. No blardy way.

Still.
Can't deny she is the only lesbian I am attracted to haha.
Enjoy the link! :)

Maybe I love you

maybe I just like the sound

But if you disappear

You'll still hear

When my heart hits the ground

Every touch of every scene
Is as beautifully broken as a bird without wings

All we have
holding us back
holding us back

For all we have
what's holding us back?

I am afraid of the answer.

I met a palm-reading man a week ago, who told me a few things about myself.
Some of my past, others of my future.

I'm 20 years old.

I've had 3 boyfriends. Correct.

I will live to be more than 80 years old. Hopefully correct.

I have about 16 friends whom I hold very close to my heart, but 5 to 6 of them are not fond of me.
I was taken off guard by this. I didn't know I make enemies, but then again I can't please everyone. I just hope they are not people who are too close to me.

I will be rich, but I will see deaths amongst people around me.
Now this, I fear. I fear goodbyes more than anything else in the world. My favourite aunt passed away the second year my family moved back to Kuching. I watched in silent horror as the cancer ate away the jovial and energetic woman I cared for like a second mother.
Now after this, I wonder if I was the cause of her death...

I will go abroad twice. After the first visit, I'll come back. On the second time, I'd stay away permanently.
If this is what I've always wanted, why do I feel a twinge of sadness when I hear this?

After studying my hand for a while, he fixed me with an odd concerned look.
"Child, why are you worrying? You worry from the second you wake up and you worry even after you fall asleep. You are not happy. You are tired. But you are so young, there is no reason for you to be this worried."

Why do I worry?

Bringing Niagara Falls to my eyes.

Holidays in K.K., basking myself in contentment, devoid of complaints.

When I'm not studying, I've been re-watching a few good, solid and sad movies.

A bit heavier than the chick-flick garbage I always seem to opt for.

Cold Mountain

My Sister's Keeper

The Holiday

Closer 

Tristan and Isolde.

Beautiful movies.

Captivating, all of them painted love as fleeting yet sought after, something beautiful that everyone desires to hold, but not everyone is allowed to keep.


Except for The Holiday, all of the movies suffered tragic endings.
I expected myself to be immensely disappointed by the endings, being a large fan of 'happily-ever-afters'.
But surprisingly, I was not.
I was only, left convinced that love is never easy, nor is it ever simple, and most importantly, it is not always meant to be.


Moving and heart-wrenchingly beautiful.

Jude Law starring in three out of the five is (obviously) an added bonus.

He's so delicious he makes me lick my lips like a savage beast.

I blame the accent. And those hypnotizing eyes.

A guy like him's a hazard to womankind.

Lydia's visiting soon :)

It been a long while since we've seen each other.

Miss all those time we've spent at her house, all those silly moments we share with each other.
All those late night talks we had with each other, all those times we were there for each other.
The girl is a doll. :)

She wants to perfect her camwhoring skills and make the kiss-flip book I told her about haha.
She wants to get one done for Gabe. So sweet! :)

Woo-hoo, can't wait!

You know that secret place you have in your heart?

Your miniature heaven when things fall apart?

I have mine too; its beautiful.

Its a small winding road with lovely green and tall trees, and I'm in a car driving on that winding road.

The trees are grown thick together, I see them tall and natural and wild, nothing landscaped or cultivated.

The trees tower around me, big and strong; as though guarding me protectively from any harm.

Small rays of sunlight peek in between the leaves and add warmth to the otherwise dark woods.

The window to my car is winded down, and I do more than just visualize this figment of my imagination; I can smell the trees and the earth beneath the rolling tyres.

Fresh and welcoming.

Crisp and cool.

For some reason the temperature in my little escape is always much cooler than reality.
The soft wind started touching my skin tentatively at first, then as the car takes up speed, began boldly caressing my cheeks.

As the car accelerates, the green, orange leaves and branches of the woods paints an extraordinary and breathtaking canvas of splashing green, blotches of orange, balanced by an earthy tone.
An art like no other.

I will be in the car surrounded by that moving canvas painted on all my windows. My windshield will have the same canvas on the sides, and a small earthy road in the middle, leading my way forward.

I do not want the journey to end, I like to lose myself in these amazing woods.

It was as though mother earth had build a cradle, a magnificent nest for me to crawl into; for me to come home to.

Reading back

on my last night's blog post...

DO I HAVE TO BE SO DRAMATIC, GRAPHIC AND EMO?!

Okay, once again, as you'd probably have guessed, its THAT time of the month!

When hormonal level is the blame for everything I do (and failed to do).

I miss my family.

I need to try to update my blog on a more regular basis, not just when i'm struck by bouts of depression due to PMS.

=.=

Or else I should seriously consider renaming the blog from 'this is my escape' to 'my pms rantings'.

K time for class :) MUAKS.

Today is going to be better than yesterday. I will not allow myself to be drowned in my pool of sorrow and self-pity (and well, bad hormones).

In fact. I will eat more chocolates to stimulate the happy hormone endorphine in myself! :D

Nothing cheers me up like good food.

Toodles~!

Worn out.

Today was a super long day. I had classes in the morning, and then I have practice for client counselling in the afternoon.

So by the time I went to stand in front of the bus stand, I was really mentally tired and my cheeks flushed by the hot scorching sun.

Sweating profusely.

And mentally swearing at myself for taking law.

When a guy gave me the eye and came up to me and hit on me.

And though I did not flirt back or offer my number when he asked, I enjoyed it.

I'm actually very surprised with myself because I usually am very blah when it comes to guys picking me up.
Odd. Maybe once a while, its just in a girl's nature to feel flattered by honeyed words?

But the feeling was only fleeting.

My feet came back on to the ground and I snapped back to reality.

He was very cute in a Eurasian boy way, but I didn't like how cocky he was.

Like he was so sure how I was going to give him my number with this confident grin.
Too bad.

But I didn't want to be rude so I made polite excuses. And I was trying to save him some face cause his friends were looking.
Then he had to end with a cheeky voice, "I'm sure I'll see you around."
And then lowered his eyes to my boobs.
Fuck man, that does it. If he doesn't even respect me enough to say goodbye to my face instead of my chest, then I have no reason to help him save face.
I was blunt and replied, "Not if I see you first."

I prefer guys who are smart and quiet.

Guys who are not attention seekers or jocks, but has more to him than what meets the eye.

My dream guy would be...

A guy that I can have a decent conversation with.

A guy that can sit with me in a quiet cafe, listen to my indie music, and though we may sit right opposite each other, we both can be happy reading a book of our own all day long. Without exchanging a word, when our eyes meet over our books, we'd smile at each other and feel there was simply no need to speak.

I want to have superpowers.

And magic.

I want to believe in magic.

The touch, the feel.

I simply adore Zooey Deschanel.

Zooet Deschanel - Fabric of Our Lives

I am completely smitten by her style and her vintage wardrobe. ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥
I love everything about her.
:)

And I am weird.

I'm not a big fan of pop music or the R&B shit that circulate MTV and your local English station.

There are a few fine ones. Just that in general, I think the music is shallow and overrated.

Mainstream music today seems to be designed for sex-crazed kids.

Let me put it to you in this way:

Normally, you don't like the song the first time you hear it.

Or the second or third.

Or even the 10th.

But as the radio station continuously played the music. Repeatedly. Over and over again.

The song gets stuck in your head, and you realized to yourself one day, "Hmm, this song is pretty catchy."

Its almost like a hypnotizing effect.

You're forced, against your own better judgement, to like a song simply because it is familiar.

And everyone likes familiar things.

Especially lyrics.

Moral of the story, MTV and radio stations mindfucked you into liking a song.

But please spare me the shit because I am only expressing my own opinion. And everyone is entitled to having their own opinions.

So my taste in music bends towards indie and off-mainstream.

And also some oldies. :)

I simply adore Nancy Sinatra.

I've recently found out about Lissie. her song "everywhere I go" is truly amazing. Her voice, so delicate yet it cuts through my soul and sent a chill down my spine.

I love her.

But of course, Rachael Yamagata is still my favorite indie artist of all times.

She has passion and she has soul. Her voice is so true. Its a luxury indulging in her music.

Music is all about the soul.

I can only relate to music that can actually, touch my soul.

I love kids.

I think they are absolutely adorable.

They see the world in a different light, everything is magical.

They are genuine and their laugh is amazingly contagious.

They are new beautiful little things that are curious about everything.

But after sometime spent babysitting my little nephew. I'd like to er reconsider my position on being a mother.

Don't get me wrong I love my nephew to bits. *shifty eyes*

I just prefer to, you know...*shrugs*...love him from a distance.

And then Suri Cruise came strolling by

all smiles

doe-eyed

and restored my faith in reproduction.

Eleven Years.

I re-watched the old movie 10 Things I Hate About You yesterday.

Heath Ledger is/was the sexiest man on earth.

His death was a gigantic loss to womankind. I cannot accept it. Because I can never enough of his movies, and um his butt, and and his sexy delicious Australian accent.

My future husband needs to learn that accent.

I'd get aroused immediately and it would save up tons of time otherwise needed with foreplay.

Okay.

Sorry.

TMI.

Patrick: Some asshole paid me to take out this really great girl.
Kat: Is that right?
Patrick: Yeah, but I screwed up. I, um, I fell for her.

Julia Stiles is one lucky bitch to get to be Kat in the movie. But it must be said that she too, is a wonderful actress and she definitely portrayed the character perfectly in the movie. Shir, you should watch this movie (if you haven't already) because I'm sure you will love Julia Stiles. :) Kat's character reminds me of you somehow. Headstrong, beautiful and cool; she does not care about fitting in at all.

Its one of my favorite movies. Joseph Gordon-Levitt was in it as well, the guy from 500 Days of Summer - a beautiful indie movie released just last year.

He looked so young back then.

Oh shit.

It just struck me how time flies.

Its been 11 years since 10 Things I Hate About You.

Sigh.

I have put on too much weight and gained too much pimples.

And it bothers me a lot, but not enough for me to do something about it...

I don't know why.

:(

And I am feeling very emotional. Things that don't normally bother me gets to me easily, although I did a good job hiding it from everyone else with my smile and chirpy voice.

I blame pms, cause I can feel my period coming.

I don't think women ever grow out of pms; they just learn to hide it better over the years.

My CNY holidays are drawing to an end, and its bye bye Kuching and hello KL once again.

:(

I don't want to leave.

I love slacking and lazing around the house.

I love eating home-cooked food everyday and watch old movies to pass the time.

I love fooling around with my family, laughing and simply having our own precious family time.

I love looking at old photographs and telling stories out of them with my family...

I actually...

don't mind being a bum for the rest of my life.

I realized I don't actually mind a life without purpose.

...

but then, all this may just be my pms talking.

Not me.

The right pace.

We had a Criminal Law test yesterday and it was the first time in a long time I actually got down to studying.

And though it was taxing, I feel good. No I didn't do particularly well in the test, but I feel good about the fact that I actually gave it a shot.

And the truth is, it wasn't that bad.

I actually enjoyed reading the textbook.

What was hard was remembering what I read.

But I will work harder on that part.

I think a lot of credit goes to the new house. :)

Quiet, calm and free of distractions.

Probably also because my laptop is away from me...

See there's always a good side to everything, so it is important to keep being optimistic and encouraging. I can do it. :)

I will move at my own pace, a pace that I'm comfortable with.

And thats all really matters.

:)

Now the reason I've been away

is because my laptop FAILED me. I sent it back to the store thinking they will help me reformat it and give it back to me within the day, but apparently it was a lot more serious. There was a problem with the hard disk and they are sending in the warranty to get it fixed.

This means two things:

1) I don't have to pay

2) I have to wait two weeks. T_T

Which also means that I won't get my laptop back before Chinese New Year.

But the two guys at the Fujitsu Centre were being surprisingly really nice to me. They didn't charge me for anything even though I made them check my laptop. Which they normally do, and which they didn't stop reminding me about. lol.

Angel said, "Girl, be grateful that you have a pretty face and you are a nice person."

But my personal opinion is that they were pretty freaked out by my consistent whining:

"Yer why laaa....wheniboughtthelaptopyousaidtocomebacktoyouifanythingwaswrongwithinayear...*whine* why do you have to CHARGE.ME.NOW.? *whine*"

I swear the frequency of my whining voice can kill some fly on that wall.

I even felt irritated at myself, lol.
BUT OH WELL, just to justify myself, a student on a student budget's got to fight for her rights! :D

And right now I'm using Angel's laptop to rant my frustration.

I never thought my laptop played such an important part in my life.

Now that you're gone I realized how important you are to me, so darling laptop, will you marry me?

Sorry sorry its the lack of laptop thats getting to my head and making me delusional.

I have moved into my shoebox of a new place in Desa Kiara.

I actually really like it here. Its calm, peaceful and there's only 4 people in the house.

Boon, Lo Jie, Angel and I.

Lo Jie (Angel and I secretly calls him Roger, since he loathe that name haha) is actually a great cook, and he made us awesome spaghetti just the other day. He's a cute guy who has been in a seven year relationship with his cute girlfriend. :) I hope they last and get married, because they are nice people and it'd be nice to see some happy endings for a change. Its people like them that restore my faith in true love.

Permanence.

Angel lost her Blackberry when we were strolling in a rather crowded IKEA.

I feel really bad for her, the poor thing. She just got that phone and she absolutely love it :(

And this had to happen.

Its so sad, because Angel is such a nice girl. Why doesn't bad things only happen to bad people? :(

And I didn't get to paint my room today due to lack of time and too many unexpected happenings, Angel losing her phone being one of them.

A bit disappointed as I really wanted to get everything done today. But at least tomorrow is Sunday and I still have time to get things done, just as what Verus said.

I think what I really learnt today is to not get things worked out too early and expect too much.

Because you'd never know what'd happen in the next minute.

One minute Angel was talking to her mother on the phone; the next her phone was stolen.

One day Terrence's mom was just talking proudly to her colleagues about her son; the next he's dead. :(:(

Take life one step at a time. I've heard this before, but I've never actually understood it as clearly as I do now.

Don't take life too seriously; no one gets out alive anyway.

Morbid joke but true nonetheless.

Never ever EVER be a smart-ass and assume you have life all figured out.

Because no matter how sure you are of a certain thing, in the end its all in God's hands.

He's the real player. We are all merely checkers in the game.

Most of my belongings had been successfully transferred here.

I'll have to make one last trip tomorrow to scrap my room clean from my possessions :)

Can I?

Half of my things were sent over to the new place last night.

Now I have to finish packing the rest to evacuate this place.

Bit sad.

Nearly two decades on the planet and...

my worldly possessions = two small suitcases, some books and a couple of plastic bags.

Note to self: I need to work harder to increase that.

:)