Friday, February 18, 2011

So.

I was just thinking about all my fears.
And I was just thinking about how easily you put all my fears to shame.
Because it suddenly dawned on me that there are few things in my life which dislodges more terror in me than imagining what you are capable of doing to yourself.

And in turn what you do to me.

As I stare at your empty eyes and hapless figure, I feel the building of an almost perverse hatred rising from my gut. I see flashbacks of what you used to be and what you have been turned into.
The monster you have become.

And the many things I could have done to have prevented this tragedy staring blankly before me.

Because I know you were made for so much more. You are so much more than you give yourself credit for. You are capable of more than the lifeless shell you have made yourself to be.

And as I struggle furiously to pinpoint the root of the problem I am taken aback by one stunning realization: I do not know who to blame.

I laid out options, but I had never given you choice.
I disclosed everything to you in binary form. 
Right or wrong. Black or white. No middle ground. No grey areas.
I refused to allow you the arch in between.
I was harsh.
You silently loathed me for that. I felt it, your suppressed resentment, burning into the back of my brains.
I knew, yes, but I didn't budge.

I allowed you to reduce yourself to the vacant state you are as of now.

I know now it was I who destroyed you. 
You are the product of me.
We are entwined, you and I.
A cycle. An infinity loop. Constant. Perpetual.

For you are only my mirror, and I your reflection.

Monday, February 14, 2011

Sackcloth and ashes for one year.

Rachael Yamagata is visiting Singapore a day from today and I just only found out ten minutes ago.
Immediately googled for price of tickets and this is what I found.


I can hear my heart breaking. 

I fell in love with her when I first heard her album Happenstance 6 years ago.
Her music has always spoken to me in difficult times.
Her brilliant voice sends chills down my spine.
I have always wanted to see her live.

I really really want to go... :'(

So near yet so far.

Devastated.
I declare myself clinically depressed.
Gonna pull my hair and launch into "poor me why me" mode.

Saturday, February 12, 2011

Conversation of the day:

Leesa *shakes head*: One ringgit sundae cone and you are the happiest girl in the world.
Me *shrugs*: What can I say? I'm a cheap date.


Filmstrip.
Because I need a reminder on how much of a pig I can make of myself.
And try to eat with more grace in the future.

So focused on my ice cream I had no idea my friend was taking photos of my er..gluttonous exhibit the entire time.
She claimed that I have this evil satisfied smile after I shove the last bit of the cone into my mouth.
(Naturally) I got a bit defensive and said, "NOT TRUE."
She snorted, then replied triumphantly with a smirk that she caught it on cam. (Refer to the last photo)

I went speechless.
A picture's worth a thousand words.

I have the most jobless awesome friends.

Tuesday, February 8, 2011

Trying my best to get off of this fence

for I won't last.

    :(

I'm trying to put this thing to bed
I drugged it in its sleep
Remember what you said
Are you comfortable to keep
it
?

Monday, February 7, 2011

BY THE AGE OF 20

I'VE MET THE ONE I'M WILLING TO SPEND THE REST OF MY LIFE WITH.



Meet 
my 
valentine
2011.




Oh Tuna Temptation, how I love thee.
Can you not see the golden glow it exudes?
*Sighing in contentment.*

NO.
I AM NOT SHARING.
KEEP YOUR HANDS TO YOURSELF THIS IS MY BABY
MINE ALL MINE BACK OFF NOW YOU SHAMELESS PIG OR I SHALL...


You left me no choice.