Sackcloth and ashes for one year.

Rachael Yamagata is visiting Singapore a day from today and I just only found out ten minutes ago.
Immediately googled for price of tickets and this is what I found.

I can hear my heart breaking. 

I fell in love with her when I first heard her album Happenstance 6 years ago.
Her music has always spoken to me in difficult times.
Her brilliant voice sends chills down my spine.

I have always wanted to see her live.

I really really want to go... :'(

So near yet so far.

Devastated.
I declare myself clinically depressed.
Gonna pull my hair and launch into "poor me why me" mode.

Let's talk equations.

Exams = shitload amount of stress = enlarged appetite + slightly delusional + distorted mind

I shall elaborate.

Enlarged appetite means I also order crazy amount of pizzas.

Modern technology has made food so accessible.

Its pure evil.

Dominoes pizza is only several clicks away @www.dominoes.com.my . I don't even need to pick up the damn phone to make an order. And we all have been through the hassle of phone ordering, being put on a hold- the Malaysian customer service is famous for that. =.=

So back to the whole evil pizzas topic.

There is something very wrong with Dominoes.

I mean look at it.

Easy and efficient ordering, prompt 30 minutes or less delivery time, hot sizzling pizza at your doorstep with an ever polite delivery man.

WHERE IN MALAYSIA IS THERE SUCH A SERVICE?

I smell something fishy! *narrows eyes*

and no darling its not from my favorite Tuna Temptation pizza.

So I have a theory about Dominoes.

I secretly think they are a secret organization set up to conquer the world. O_O

They are a well-oiled organization and they paved an ultimate way into our hearts - through our stomach!

Its a conspiracy I tell you!

But anyway, I can't be a powerpuff girl and save the world because I have to save myself from exams. :(

So I delude myself from the evil plans lurking beneath Dominoes' innocent cover and welcome the delivery man with a blood-thirsty smile.

Blood thirsty for the pizza of course, not the delivery man. Unless he has Matthew Mcconaughey's butt.

Then I'd pay the man, take my (holy) pizza and put it on the dining table.

Clutching a slice, I'd automatically walk towards the balcony.

Which was what I did today, and then I saw an eagle. You see, I live on the 24th floor of my condominium, and therefore eagles spotting is very normal due to the height.

Then I have a very ugly picture painted in my head.

The eagle, with its sharp eagle eyes, diving down to my balcony and STEALING MY SLICE OF PIZZA.

O_O

The picture is too horrific to imagine.

I stepped away from the balcony. I do not wish to fight an eagle for my pizza.

Stop giving me the look. My pizza is very important ok! A girl needs her nutrition!

I DON'T LIKE TO TAKE CHANCES WITH MY FOOD!

O_O

Okay now I guess you have the better understanding of the equation, which I will retype to save you from scrolling up because I am so kind.

Exams = shitload amount of stress = enlarged appetite + slightly delusional + distorted mind

Reading back

on my last night's blog post...

DO I HAVE TO BE SO DRAMATIC, GRAPHIC AND EMO?!

Okay, once again, as you'd probably have guessed, its THAT time of the month!

When hormonal level is the blame for everything I do (and failed to do).

I miss my family.

I need to try to update my blog on a more regular basis, not just when i'm struck by bouts of depression due to PMS.

=.=

Or else I should seriously consider renaming the blog from 'this is my escape' to 'my pms rantings'.

K time for class :) MUAKS.

Today is going to be better than yesterday. I will not allow myself to be drowned in my pool of sorrow and self-pity (and well, bad hormones).

In fact. I will eat more chocolates to stimulate the happy hormone endorphine in myself! :D

Nothing cheers me up like good food.

Toodles~!

My period came last night...

I love how my blog is used mainly to record my pms and menstruation. I'm such a whiner that it is completely necessary for me to mention my pms/period every bloody (pun intended) time

...when I was in the midst of preparing for my Negotiations examination today.

Bad timing.

I'm not sure if it went well. Being the bias bitch Ms Sumathi is famous for, I can't be confident anymore. Because she flunk me in the Client Counselling and I can never forgive her for that. She wrote all these comments in Lekhna's (my partner) page mentioning things she failed to do, like eye contact, open and closed questions etc. And then being the lazy bitch she is, she didn't even bother commenting on my page, except for a short "same as Lekhna's".

It is IMPOSSIBLE for two person to act the same way. I am very very upset because I did most of the things she said we didn't. And it is pointless for us to argue now, there wasn't any recordings made. Her word is final. Further arguments will only result in her having a bad impression on us and flunking us for nego and mooting.

I pray she isn't like me, getting her period the day before. And I truly hope she had some fantastic animal sex with some guy she finds hot last night. And the guy'd better be good in bed thereby helping her reach multiple toe-curling, hair-pulling, back-clawing orgasms. So she can be in a better mood today and thus give me a better grade.

I also have consult tomorrow with Ms Kath and I have to finish up two essays by then. And its 1.27am as of now.

Forgive the language.

I'm just cranky because I have so much to do and I'm having my period.

In other words, I'm feeling the Sumathi.

I feel exhausted mentally and physically.

I don't want to start.

T_____________________T

Red Flag.

You see one good thing about keeping a blog is that you are able to keep track of your pms occurrence.

One scroll one down my blog and I know my last pms attack was on the 20th of February.

And its 23th of March now so therefore I'm completely eligible to have more bouts of pms.

*&^%$@!#$^&*!!!

Worn out.

Today was a super long day. I had classes in the morning, and then I have practice for client counselling in the afternoon.

So by the time I went to stand in front of the bus stand, I was really mentally tired and my cheeks flushed by the hot scorching sun.

Sweating profusely.

And mentally swearing at myself for taking law.

When a guy gave me the eye and came up to me and hit on me.

And though I did not flirt back or offer my number when he asked, I enjoyed it.

I'm actually very surprised with myself because I usually am very blah when it comes to guys picking me up.
Odd. Maybe once a while, its just in a girl's nature to feel flattered by honeyed words?

But the feeling was only fleeting.

My feet came back on to the ground and I snapped back to reality.

He was very cute in a Eurasian boy way, but I didn't like how cocky he was.

Like he was so sure how I was going to give him my number with this confident grin.
Too bad.

But I didn't want to be rude so I made polite excuses. And I was trying to save him some face cause his friends were looking.
Then he had to end with a cheeky voice, "I'm sure I'll see you around."
And then lowered his eyes to my boobs.
Fuck man, that does it. If he doesn't even respect me enough to say goodbye to my face instead of my chest, then I have no reason to help him save face.
I was blunt and replied, "Not if I see you first."

I prefer guys who are smart and quiet.

Guys who are not attention seekers or jocks, but has more to him than what meets the eye.

My dream guy would be...

A guy that I can have a decent conversation with.

A guy that can sit with me in a quiet cafe, listen to my indie music, and though we may sit right opposite each other, we both can be happy reading a book of our own all day long. Without exchanging a word, when our eyes meet over our books, we'd smile at each other and feel there was simply no need to speak.

And I am weird.

I'm not a big fan of pop music or the R&B shit that circulate MTV and your local English station.

There are a few fine ones. Just that in general, I think the music is shallow and overrated.

Mainstream music today seems to be designed for sex-crazed kids.

Let me put it to you in this way:

Normally, you don't like the song the first time you hear it.

Or the second or third.

Or even the 10th.

But as the radio station continuously played the music. Repeatedly. Over and over again.

The song gets stuck in your head, and you realized to yourself one day, "Hmm, this song is pretty catchy."

Its almost like a hypnotizing effect.

You're forced, against your own better judgement, to like a song simply because it is familiar.

And everyone likes familiar things.

Especially lyrics.

Moral of the story, MTV and radio stations mindfucked you into liking a song.

But please spare me the shit because I am only expressing my own opinion. And everyone is entitled to having their own opinions.

So my taste in music bends towards indie and off-mainstream.

And also some oldies. :)

I simply adore Nancy Sinatra.

I've recently found out about Lissie. her song "everywhere I go" is truly amazing. Her voice, so delicate yet it cuts through my soul and sent a chill down my spine.

I love her.

But of course, Rachael Yamagata is still my favorite indie artist of all times.

She has passion and she has soul. Her voice is so true. Its a luxury indulging in her music.

Music is all about the soul.

I can only relate to music that can actually, touch my soul.

Sigh.

I have put on too much weight and gained too much pimples.

And it bothers me a lot, but not enough for me to do something about it...

I don't know why.

:(

And I am feeling very emotional. Things that don't normally bother me gets to me easily, although I did a good job hiding it from everyone else with my smile and chirpy voice.

I blame pms, cause I can feel my period coming.

I don't think women ever grow out of pms; they just learn to hide it better over the years.

My CNY holidays are drawing to an end, and its bye bye Kuching and hello KL once again.

:(

I don't want to leave.

I love slacking and lazing around the house.

I love eating home-cooked food everyday and watch old movies to pass the time.

I love fooling around with my family, laughing and simply having our own precious family time.

I love looking at old photographs and telling stories out of them with my family...

I actually...

don't mind being a bum for the rest of my life.

I realized I don't actually mind a life without purpose.

...

but then, all this may just be my pms talking.

Not me.